Last weekend, I got a group text message from a friend (Let’s call friend A) and one of her friends whom I have never met (call them S for stranger). My friend A and I sometimes hike and do yogasana outdoors. She (A) decided to invite this friend of hers (S) with us in this group text message.
This person whom I have never met (S) proceeds to choose a park, day, and time for us. I disagreed with all of the above, commented on day and the location not being a hike. Person (S) won’t budge about the day of the week due to playing a sport on other day. I suggest a trail. The person (S) then says they can’t hike because they have foot issues but they want to learn yoga from me. I am annoyed that this person I never met (S) is “asking” (wasn’t a question) me to teach them in a time and location of their choice when we were the ones who invited this person (S) to our hike/ yoga. Is this person (S) trying to be a friend or a freeloader (they never did yoga before and wants me to teach them)?! I can’t think of hiking places where people with foot issues can go so I suggest we just do yoga at a park, though it isn’t what I want to do at all. I certainly don’t want this person (S) to hurt their foot.
Then, this person (S) looks up the trail I had suggested and wants to carpool there. I am more annoyed at this point because a carpool means being less than 6 feet apart with 2 other people, at least one of whom doesn’t social distance, is an antivaxer and wears a mask only around me but it’s halfway on a lot of the times and this person had just said they could not hike due to foot issues.
My friend (A) and I point out that this trail would be bad for their foot issues. We suggest another location for meeting. To my surprise, this person (S) finally agrees to a location. They (S) suggest dinner afterwards. I don’t feel comfortable with that since we would not be social distancing and would have masks 😷 off. I suggest a picnic. They agree and then directs us to meet them by a specific building to spend time at a specific location at this park without even asking if that’s what we want to do.
I decide to make it more enjoyable for me and I invited a friend (E). This friend (E) agrees to come and a few days later remembers a prior engagement. Now that this friend (E) isn’t coming, I am questioning if I want to meet this person (S).
This person’s attitude is making me question myself. I told this story to a friend of mine (B) and he said that the way he was brought up, if he was a guest and someone offered him food, he would eat it to not offend the host. I agreed with this, but now I am realizing that this person I may meet at a park (S) for yoga
may not have been was definitely brought up very differently and does not feel they have imposed on anyone.
Maybe I am the one in the wrong by bending my boundaries to meet the boundaries of this stranger… Stranger (S) has said very clearly they want to learn yoga, not to hike. Hiking only happens for them in the evening for short distances on flat ground. I have not stated that I hike in the daytime to avoid having to rush back before nightfalls, prefer non-flat ground for hikes as it means a view and cooler weather. I have not said I don’t feel comfortable carpooling and eating with people outside of my quarantine bubble. I don’t even think I want to teach them yoga unless my friend (E) who flaked comes because she actually asked at some point rather than demanding like this stranger. I have never met this stranger but I have bent to their boundaries. I don’t know if I even like them. No idea what they even look like or sound like.
These are my thoughts as I am deciding if and when I want to meet said stranger. Do I want to admit these thoughts to friend and said stranger to gain some connection? Do I want to continue with plans though my friend (E) I invited now cannot come or do I want to cancel or postpone until a date she is available to join us? Do I care if I appear flaky to a person I never met? Do I even want to meet this person? Am I over reacting?
Am I thankful for this person’s expressed boundaries because it made me realize how different my own upbringing was?
Do I just dislike this stranger because they remind me of someone else?
😂 Who would have thought planning a simple meeting would be so complicated and bring up so many questions?!
Am I also avoiding this group outing because my friend invited yet another friend and it’s been at least 2 years since I taught yogasana to a group of adults? (I much prefer children). Yes.
I think I will flake by texting them something came up and I can’t make it and that maybe we can plan something another time when my friend (E) is also available. I will decide by the end of today.
How were you brought up?
Do you think this person is rude or just stating what their preferences are to connect with others?
Should I give them a chance or trust my intuition that S is super inconsiderate and not someone I want to meet?
Now relating this type of person to careers/ life, is S the type of person who is successful or am I the type of person who is successful? Neither? Blend of both because leadership requires flexibility? All of the above because one defines one’s own success…
I will admit to posting a more personal posting today because I am already tiring of Cee’s Challenge. It doesn’t feel like connection to just share a flower photo and have it be “liked”, just like if you just “like” this post, it means nothing to me because engagement and time invested is minimal, but we give only what we can and I’ve certainly been guilty of only “liking” your posts.
I know this whole blog post today describes what could be called a “first world problem” and I am grateful that my worries aren’t much bigger right now.
What’s one of your “first world” dilemmas?
Was this story confusing?