Winds Here Tonight are 28mph

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Fear-Quotes-44It is Monday night. I love Monday nights because I get them to myself. I get almost every evening to myself, but Mondays are particularly poignant after a day back from the weekend. I don’t go out on Monday nights.

It’s quiet at home and I can hear the winds picking up outside. After my daily work routine today, I rushed home on the freeway trying to keep my sleepy eyes open to come back here to this quiet, and yet, somehow I was bothered by the stillness. Spontaneity and happiness is easy to embrace when I find myself at sunset climbing the tops of trains in the middle of No Where (I love the view of the horizon at such places):

HarveyHouse_Steve_DiffenbacherOr perhaps unexpectedly creating floral arrangements out of alien-looking protea pincushions: protea flowersBut when it’s still and there’s only my Dear Old Friend: Wind speaking to me…I find myself a little scared.

I’ve been so happy, but tonight, I find myself a little sad…and that’s okay.

It’s begun again. The shocked, “What?! You aren’t coming back next year?! You’re the best teacher I know!” from my colleagues. It’s like I rewinded the VHS tape (Yeah, old school-like) and am playing my life all over again the way it was a year ago, but in a different town, at a different school. I know it will be soon time to go: 37 days of school, not counting weekends and holidays, according to my aides. I feel a bit of pang leaving the piano and the desert winds, but I’ll carry these with me inside.

RiskTheUnusualLong before life sprung this transition on me a second time, I already had my safe little backup plan. Trust me, when you hear things like, “The year I taught here, they pink-slipped every teacher that year,” you make back up plans and more backup plans….Perhaps I just over think things. My backup plan: it’s nearly fail proof, but part of me rejects it!

Plenty of my friends have considered me their “adventure buddy” but my small daily adventures don’t seem to be enough to keep me motivated at times. Sometimes I dream of taking bigger risks. Some may think it foolish, but I’m bored with knowing despite the fears of not knowing…. Yes, I know how to always have a job and a home. I’ve had no trouble with this, so I am very fortunate. I know it’s a luxury to think this, but what if I took a financial risk and pursued yoga and writing children’s books instead of this sure little path I am on? I wanted to do something more risky before I ever began this journey when I was 18 and selecting a career in college, but I took a safer route simply because it was expected. What if I did something unexpected? After all, life is short. I may never have time to pursue this adventure if I pursue my “safe plan” first. Shouldn’t I eat dessert first or would that be undisciplined? Following The Safe Plan would nearly guarantee that I would have money to follow the Unexpected Plan. Following The Unexpected Plan first would, on the other hand, nearly guarantees that I would have the time for it, as life, as we all know, is short. I don’t have to decide yet, I’ll have income through June or July. There may be a way to combine both Plans. Only time and exploration will tell.

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