Monthly Archives: June 2016

Music

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door

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

As the sun sets tonight, I find myself feeling sadness.

I’ve been wanting to write for some time now. I have so many thoughts and questions in my head…

It was my yoga teacher’s last day today. I don’t understand why I feel so sad about this! He’s moving…Not dying! I guess emotions aren’t always rational…

There’s a quiet…a stillness in the house save the shadows of the windblown trees silhouetted in the swiftly fading golden light of the setting sun outside and my mind drifts to other events that help wrap the blanket of sadness around me tighter….

The odd one-word text message from my best friend who isn’t picking up her phone today, “patentductusarteriosas.” It scares me. Does it mean this is the condition of her youngest child?

About a week ago, I heard from a ghost… Text messages for two days from someone I haven’t heard from in the seven years since our divorce. This last week, his mother and sister traveled the long distance to go see him. I think something is wrong and have to accept that there is still nothing I can do even after all of these years. I am not sure why he reached out to me as if there was something I could do about his troubles. I could never fix him before and don’t have the power to do so now. I didn’t tell his family he had contacted me in case of any assumptions his wife might harbor.

And so this thought of relief washes over me…I can’t control it. I have no control over any of this… No control over if people I like move away, if children may struggle with heart conditions and over whether my ex is resilient enough to pick himself back up…And I am okay with that because if I could foresee those events, I wouldn’t have been pleasantly  surprised by all of the moments that brought wonderment and happiness to my life this week: taking my mom to her first bowling game, playing with my nephews, meeting several new workout partners and making a few new friends, reconnecting with old friends … So many things… I like life as it is: unpredictable….capricious…melodious at times and cacophonous at other times…

Update: My friend’s text was accidental and for work, not regarding her kids at all. Phew!

The Unknown

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The school year draws to an end once more. There are 3.5 days left and I am feeling euphoric.

Tonight I attended a district recognition dinner. One of the employees is retiring after a staggering 41 years! I can not imagine staying any one place so long but who knows?

I am enjoying the end of this school year as I see so many unforeseen occurrences yet to come! I am excited  by the unpredictability of life!

This year, I ran my first 10 k and then stopped exercising. Yikes! Need to get back on that…. I got closer to my immediate family by spending time with them. This is the year that my class got so large in numbers, it was split mid-year, which has never happened to me! I thought people didn’t listen to teachers but my principal stepped in and helped us split up several classes and hired new teachers! How refreshing to see there are still bosses out there who care! I will miss him!!!! This year, I made a ton of progress with piano by quitting dance… I just need to do some other form of exercise now or go back… I actually said “No” to tutoring which I have never done. Saying “No” to something was a milestone for me. I wanted more time for me and less tutoring other people’s kids… This is the year that we got a grant to start a school garden. I was denied this opportunity at the last school I was at… My mom started a new job after quitting the job she had since I was in third grade. My brother and his girlfriend moved in together. My neighbor of over two decades passed away. My bestie gave birth to her second child. And that my mom started hiking with me. What is next? I can hardly wait to find out what unfolds in the next year!

What unexpected things happened in the last year in your life? Do the unknown parts of life excite you too?