Blessed But Undecided


Some of my earliest followers out there in the blogging community may recall when I was contemplating divorce and my mother-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I didn’t want to make her life worse by leaving and bringing more stress to her life, but in the end I left and she survived and remains close to me to this day.

Two weeks ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer on Valentine’s Day. Exactly a week later, I was told that my job contract would not be renewed… Quitting jobs and being told my contract won’t be renewed every few years seems to be a theme in my career so I obviously need to work on self promotion and management of the aides because my students do meet their learning goals each year and are happy… Before my mother’s diagnosis, I fantasized about taking a break from work, but now, I don’t want to worry her… I don’t want to give her life more stress; especially since my brother also recently left his job.

With the teacher shortage going on, finding work should be quick, so my plan this week was to find another job before telling my mom that I am leaving the current job, but I don’t know if I have the energy for that right now and would honestly enjoy spending my energy on my current students, staff and mom. The time I have with all of them is limited and I don’t really need much money as I always keep enough in my savings. I haven’t told my staff yet that I am leaving and dread telling them as I intend to tell them soon. My mom is still working a lot. I wish I could spend my days making her life easier by cleaning, cooking and thoughtful things… I am terrible at providing care to my parents though I do better at it than some by always choosing to live and work close to them so that I can see them often, which is something I work hard at since I love going off and exploring the world…

So I’m at a cross roads again…. Which way to go? Do I continue to live the life my mother wants me to live or do I take time off for myself and to spend time with her? Will she be disappointed if I do the latter? crossroads.jpg



3 responses »

  1. your mom gave you life for you to live and not to be an extension of her life. i feel she would feel bad if you were not living the life you wish to live. she will be proud of you to follow your path.

    • There is only one place I am interested in applying for a job right now and if I don’t get that job, my plan is to go back to take a break from work and maybe do another Master’s degree (for personal interest) but I know this last option is very pricey and I am worried my aging parents will need money when I won’t be able to provide it…

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