“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”
-Vincent Van Gogh
Hello Lovelies! What have you been doing during your time in quarantine/ self-isolation? I’ve been cooking and taking a course…
I am more than halfway through a 7-week neo-tantra yoga-inspired course on embodying and unleashing the voice for creativity called Voice of the Creatrix.
On April 12th, we were assigned homework to write about sensuality. I found myself writing my ex of over 10 years ago. After writing it all down, I realized, I had finally forgiven myself for failing at marriage because…
sometimes even failure is an act of self-love.
The following week, we were told to write to our inner critics. I stayed up late on Sunday, April 19th writing my inner critics. It felt so good to write them, I found myself writing late into the night. I feel like I could make time to write my inner critics daily! That’s how therapeutic it felt!!! By writing my inner critics, I realized I was playing the game of life small and safe.
On Monday, April 20th, at the first staff meeting of the day at work, I found myself speaking up! It paid off because the next day, someone with power who had heard my words said they would help me obtain resources I had been wanting on the job for several months! I was so reinforced by this turn of events, I find myself verbally setting boundaries daily where I had been wanting to speak up before but had been previously unable to find my voice until now!
In the course I am taking, we make video messages of ourselves speaking and send them back and forth. Since April 20th, my classmates tell me I act completely differently in my videos! Not only that… I am feeling more confident!
Will I make every effort to sustain my neo-tantra yoga practice?! You bet!
This last week in class, we practiced several diaphragm exercises paired with vocalizations. I have been studying yoga for some time now; and while I knew that breathwork and bodywork are key components to achieving self-awareness and self-regulation, for whatever reason, it had not clicked that sound and vibration are also valuable utilities handy in my toolbox.
As I am practicing this week’s exercises, I realize that I actually struggle with inhalations at times. When I inhale, on a day with tight back muscles, I feel pain. I feel my spine and lungs pushing into each other. The extra gust of air from my vocalizations is really helping to both ground me and to give my lungs that extra “umph”. It helps me loosen my muscles so that the pain of inhaling dissipates! I feel so blessed to have a voice! I feel heard and want to make everyone else out there who might be in my shoes feel heard!!!!
It’s strange, but I actually flunked kindergarten because I refused to talk during my first year of elementary school… This selective mutism comes and goes throughout my life. I really feel like now that I have these practices, I can unleash my voice when there is a blockage!!!!!
I have a coach/ yoga teacher who has been a huge influence on me. This teacher and I both have scoliosis. She told me last year that she has a theory she may write about and study one day that the curvature of the spine affects our mood throughout our life. I wonder if this is true. During the last Voice of the Creatrix Zoom class meeting, one of my classmates talked about how it felt to be born tongue-tied. I had no idea, but apparently; it’s an actual condition with which some people are born! She spoke of feeling tired when talking for long periods of time. It makes me wonder if life would be different if I weren’t born with scoliosis. Would I have more energy and more of a voice? Something I beat myself up about a lot is being lazy and lacking confidence. I find that I become super exhausted and overwhelmed when I resist flow/ the present and become super stressed. It’s like I am one of those fainting goats and I respond to stress by taking a long nap, so for me; being in flow, being grateful and accepting of the present moment is more important than ever, lest I should fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“There is a current of love energy that flows
Between Earth below and Sun above
The central channel of your spine is the riverbed
The streaming is as delicate and powerful
As the tingling touch of lovers “
– Radiance Sutra 12
Lately, people around the world have been struggling more and more with so many sudden life changes due to the pandemic. I read about two extraordinary women/ writers: Eva Kollisch (age 95) and Naomi Replansky (age 101 years old) in New York who are thriving. They were born before antibiotics were discovered. They have survived the Spanish Flu pandemic, the polio epidemic, the Holocaust/ WWII, sexism, homophobaism, The Great Depression and now are surviving the COVID 19 pandemic. I strive to be like them: to be largely unphased by life’s trials.
Life is just too precious to resist the present. There is so much to be grateful for in each moment and each breath!!!!
What has the pandemic taught you?