It’s begun again: change. I have applied for a 15 day course in San Francisco on directing tours. The school has an excellent job placement program. I’ll be matched with companies to apply to become a tour director upon graduation. I called the school where I am currently a post- grad student this morning and asked if I would be jeopardizing my standing in their program if I was not ready to start my class I registered for in October. I was told that I would remain in the program but have to pay $100 to drop the course, a small fee considering most of the cost of the actual class would be refunded to me and I could return at any time. Soon, I will have food and housing paid for me while I travel the world and my paychecks toward my student loans from grad school. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make enough money at some point to rebuild my savings as well. I’m going to do it: quit work and school and go traveling! I can’t wait! I hope that I will learn so much from my travels! Who knows where I will go or who I will meet…the opportunities that I may come across!
I’m wondering if my housemate is angry at me. I waved to and greeted her several times this morning and had no reply. I may have offended her in my last interaction with her when I announced my plans to her. You see, she inspired me to do this in some ways. She is a person who is not afraid of change. She came here from another country and started a new life and career. I told her about my plans only yesterday and her reaction was, “You need to have a plan. What about job stability and security?” It’s funny that a person with a marketing and MBA degree would question my taking a risk. I thought business people take risks. I replied, “ I want to travel!” She says to me, “I had a job that allowed me to go on business trips three times a year once so I did a lot of traveling. You need a long term plan.” In love with the idea of traveling more than three times per year, I scoffed, “Your way is boring! I want adventure!” She defended herself, “ If I were boring, I would not have moved to a different country and started over. I am not afraid of adventure!” Feeling her enthusiasm, I beamed at her with a big appreciative smile and gave her a thumbs up because I was so happy for her. Perhaps that was offensive.
Scratch that. Just got a friendly text message from her. Perhaps I was transferring my own fears onto her…. My fears of leaving the world I know, the life I know for something different.
I never intended to go into teaching when I was a child. I wanted to do something thrilling, more creative and even risky but because people around me looked down upon it, I went into teaching. I fell in love with teaching! It is so fulfilling to know that before you met this student, he could not read or she was not toilet trained….She could not talk and so forth but something clicked and I got to see it happen! I loved it and miss it! Will I ever return to it? I do not know! I am okay with not having a plan! I just want to do something for myself instead of my career and I have enough money saved up to do it. By getting a job as a tour director, I can work to pay off student loans while traveling. I want to feel I am worthy even if I am not a teacher, wife or a mother.
Something I’ve done often over the years is to just choose a road and just travel on it. Some people see no purpose in this and would see it as stupid, unsafe and unprepared. The thing is, I love not seeing what is in the road ahead. I like surprises. I have found so many fascinating places by doing this! This is how I want to live my life! If I tire of exploring; normality, routine, school, career, goals and plans are always still back at home waiting for me to rejoin the rat race.